Pulling yourself together after a toxic relationship


 

With this Jupiter getting comfortable in Scorpio, along with other things, I couldn’t help but notice how many relationships have ended.

So your relationship failed. You felt from the start that it was doomed, but you went there anyway, convincing yourself that things are going to change, or that your love is so strong, it will endure anything, or that it’s all part of a plan, or…

Well, it just might be me shitting on hard aspects in synastry; but you know, as soon as you have to intellectually convince yourself for the third time that it’s gonna be ok, it’s a sign that it simply isn’t, and it won’t ever be.

 

Don’t get me wrong – some of you might just love the thrill, the fight, the dynamic relationships; if that’s what gets you off, cool. But if we are talking idealism in terms of love and unity, the disrespect and frequent anger episodes are just a plain fail.

 

Of course it is all part of the plan, but it’s not a heaven’s plan for your poor ass to be the next St. Raphael ; your portraits hanging across the world saying «the soldier of love». -You’re not a poor martyr suffering for love or any other shit like that.
(cringe alert)
You deserve to be energized and respected!

It’s universe’s plan for your growth through pain, really. So you can know better next time!

That is, a horrifying transit which hit you right in the middle of that terrible progressed moon that you just can’t win with. Add that to your conditioned mindset of «I-have-to-love-someone, that’s-what-people-do» and picking that random dude cause you know, it was faith, and here you go – you got yourself a nice little volatile relationship.

 

Screen Shot 2017-11-10 at 20.15.06

 

Let me explain.

You meet the person. You feel this «unexplainable attraction». You get together. Oops, there hasn’t been a week, and there’s already been a scene. Another week passes, you think the new scenes are just an extension of the first one and its gonna go away when you settle it. A month passes, now you think you got to know him/her and how to handle the situation.
Problems again. You are actually considering a breakup. Meh, no, just a moment of doubt, you love him/her, right. It’s all in your head, right.
Another tiresome month, now you gradually realize you’re in some deep shit and don’t really know what to do, emotions bursting like crazy, somewhere deep in your heart you remember that thought about breakup but you don’t want to be the pussy to give up, so both of your start doing stupid, hurtful things to each other just to test  your «love».

Both of you fail, of course, cause y’all full of fucked up squares in your Natal chart, but whatever, you decided to forget it all and turn a new page.

Now you changed some things – it seems fine for a short period.

Oh, wait..

Knock-knock!

Who is it?

Problems! 😀  Long time no see!

(sorry for the bad humour… my Mercury is retrograde.)

Probably the same ones, but in sheep’s skin. You go along… dragging, draining each other, desperately trying to change, either yourself or the other one. This can go on for years. Decades.

And then one day you both realize – this is not love. Hell, there isn’t even basic respect, it is just some fucked up emotional game you started to play to entertain youself, then played along to test your strength, then played along to see how far it goes, then played along to…
At the same time always convincing yourself it’s love, it’s life, I mean in the end he/she can help you with your work, he/she’s smart, he/she…

You see where it came to. It doesn’t have to be that way.

 

Screen Shot 2017-11-10 at 20.14.57

 

And the longer it lasts, the harder it is to let go, the pain is stronger, because you gave so much. All that time you dedicated, your precious hours, years; emotions, sacrifices. It’s difficult to build a house with your bare hands and then to just give up, right?

 But you know, your foundations were weak from the start… your bricks were sinking into mud, all the time, and you just kept adding new ones… It’s not a house to live in.

But don’t you regret it! Be super glad that it happened cause oh boy, how much you learned. (It’s a good idea to write down all the things you learned, you know..just in case.. it’s a high price you paid to just lose and forget them gems!)

You just need to accept, that you were simply two wrong people at the right place.

That its nobody’s fault, even though your massive martyr-wannabe-ass ego thinks your partner had done the wrong of the century, the sin of the sins. That he/she is like this and like that, that he/she lied, cheated, fought, hurt, played dirty.

That all may be true ; but  remember – one’s wrong is the other’s right, and that’s the way it always was, always will be.

A Sag Venus’ sign of love will be a night out flirting with girls/guys of all kinds and then rushing into his lover’s arms saying «But I chose you, yanno», while a Capricon Venus will see that as a perfect reason to hang that someone on the town’s main square.

A Scorpio Moon might want to know where and who have you been with that Friday night, but an Aquarius Venus will find that super-threatening, freedom-limiting and oppressive.

Screen Shot 2017-11-10 at 20.15.16

The point is, neither is originally right or wrong! It’s just the differences. Differences you chose to look away from, hoping your similarities will get you out. But somehow they haven’t. Yes you can adapt and change; yes you can (you must!) sacrifice for the one you love, but only so much. Your Saturn square Venus will kick in, time after time. Your Pluto square moon will, too.*
And after some time, there will be nothing left. Just the suffocation. In the best scenario, you don’t have anything to sacrifice anymore, and then you realise – there is nothing left.

«After he/she had done this/that, i couldn’t trust him anymore, this is where it all went down»
Nah, it was like this all of the time, the difference is just that you had hope. That invisible little thing that screws you over and over again.

Because the truth is, people don’t change for other people. They don’t change because of other people.

Luckily, this is an astrology blog so I can express my fatalistic astrological viewpoint shamelessly – people change when transits and progressions and solar returns say so.

There, I said it!

You can easily backtrack this.

For example, everything was cool, right? And then came your birthday (with your Solar Saturn in 7th, and his Uranus square Venus transit approaching..)

Something changed. Why?! What?!
Screen Shot 2017-11-10 at 20.15.09
«Yeah , but it’s him/her.. after he/she entered my life, I completely changed…»
Yeah, but who do you think brought him/her in your life? Santa Claus? No, that nasty Pluto transit to your Venus is who brought it. And the truth that people are so afraid to admit (execept some Sagittarians probably <3) is – if it haven’t brought him to you, it would have brought someone else.
Someone else Plutonian, Uranian, Jupiterian… whatever your transit is.

If you don’t believe me, you can always harass your ex boyfriends/girlfriends to ask their mothers for their birth time and check your data.

And it’s ok, you know. If it was meant to be, it would have been.
And don’t obsess, don’t pity yourself, don’t try to glue it again. Yeah next weekend he will probably sport fuck that ugly little Scorpio Venus hoe he’s always using for rebound and healing his emotional suppression and trauma, but who cares, really?
Soon enough you’ll be the star of the show again, shining that light he turned off so long ago.  You will find your value again, and you’ll thrive.

He’s not what you wanted anyway. Come on. How many times have you had to talk yourself out of fantasizing about that Aries guy. Or have you..?

 

So do yourself a favor – grab some Peridot and go find yourself someone who you have a Moon-Venus conjunction with. 🙂

 

Screen Shot 2017-11-10 at 20.15.01

 

Or a good TV show, that works too.

 

 

*Please note that the examples of aspects I am using are a mere caricature and a scheme for depicting. They do not suggest that all the people who have a certain placement in their Natal chart are going to behave the same way or react the same to given situations.

 

Artwork by Grace Miceli (ArtBabyGirl)

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7 thoughts on “Pulling yourself together after a toxic relationship

Add yours

  1. Hey, nice article! Just wanted to say a few things. What is the point of learning astrology? Just for people to listen to you talk nice about it or what? Why do we let those nasty transits or
    squares in synastry ruin our daily life/relationships etc.? Are we just pawns in the game? If those transits do that to my life, do i even have my own free will? And in the end (and probably the most important), why do I experience these situations/emotions/feelings? Those are some basic questions that i think everybody should ask when learning about astrology. When i raised those questions to myself, something came to my mind. Astrology is here to transcend it. Because, if you always play your life by these planets energies; that means that you’re a tool that is being used by outside forces. You are not deciding for yourself, you are going on a path of minimum effort(and maximum pain probably, but maybe not). But through the experience of life that I have (and it’s not that big) i am sure that one of the life’s points/meanings is to be your own master. To decide for yourself what you want and what you don’t want and then to face the consequences of your actions. And that’s why the astrology is a big part of knowing yourself and choosing the “right” path. When you know your natal chart, you can more easily pinpoint energies playing trough you. When you know the energies, you can be a better player in the game, and then truly start to be your own ruler instead of whole life being a vessel for energies to play through you. That’s why i don’t like people playing victims of the situations, other people, planetary positions etc…. You are the victim of your own not knowing. Not trying to debate or criticize anyone here. It’s my view on things, and not to be taken as the Truth, just trying to put my 2 cents out there. It was a great and fun read, thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey Fifth lord, and thank you for your 2 cents.
      I understand where you’re coming from. I used to believe that yeah, I’m my own boss, I decide, and so on. However, backtracking my life via astrology and my decisions, I couldn’t help but notice how even my own decisions, emotions and the decisions of people around me had a… pattern. A pattern that is clearly visible, translatable and understandable, via astrology.
      I mean, you believe that that Neptune transit influenced your falling in love madly and blindly, but you don’t believe it made you step into that shit on the road? OK, but you tell me then – what’s the limit? Is there a rule? “The stars influence your love life, big decisions in business and family, but yeah you can still opt out if you wanna.” I don’t think so.

      I want somebody to write a rule-book of “what things we do have control over, and the things we don’t” so we can all know and live in peace. 🙂 Until then, I’ll go with the absolute astrology – it never disappointed me, not even once.

      I mean, if you feel better thinking you’re still your own God, go ahead, I know how many people find comfort in that.

      The key is the understanding of how astrology works, and it’s not – “XY is going to happen to you next month!!!”, it’s – “there are 5,000 (and growing) possible things that could manifest next month.”

      Now, the best thing about astrology and why it’s invincible is – if you have a hard time connecting the patterns of planets and how they manifest, YOU CAN LITERALLY LEARN BY HEART ALL THE 5000 THINGS (because yeah, there are amazing books about it – https://www.bookdepository.com/Rulership-Book-Rex-E.-Bills/9780866904315?redirected=true&utm_medium=Google&utm_campaign=Base1&utm_source=UK&utm_content=Rulership-Book&selectCurrency=GBP&w=AFC7AU9SKL7LL7A80CXFAF4R&pdg=pla-308360991067:cmp-956641594:adg-47292805333:crv-227177704026:pos-1o1&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_5_QBRC9ARIsADVww14MToNQ6ekY9h-wrJnkuHuyXnRfawZ0Bi6yUhUOqQfulV0jXLUyCIEaAqJ-EALw_wcB) and see how it goes. 99.9% probability is you will see the pattern, connect all the dots. Do it a few more times, do an self-analyzing experiment and soon you’ll realize what’s your “control” there.

      I love being fatalistic if you haven’t noticed, but it’s not that black and white of course. The best way to depict is, imagine you are walking in the woods, and you bump into a cute little cottage and a granny is calling you in. Now, you the boss, right? You will choose for yourself, as you say.
      Now there are two options given – you can get in for that warm cup of tea she’s inviting you in for, cause oh the sweet lady she so sweet. Or, you can decide it’s weird and you’re alone and it’s not a smart thing to do.
      You decided one of the things, hooray, good for you! You the Boss!
      Yeah, but the probability is that, if you chose the first one, you’re under the Neptune transit* (*or progression or it’s your Natal or something else, but it’s there somewhere and we can trace it) and you would do anything to prove yourself there are good, hospitable people who will help you, and you can trust them. If you chose the other one, probability is that you have a Saturn transit* which has, through life experience, showed you that caution is a smart move and it can help you…. if you are alone… in the woods…

      I hope you understand that these situations and positions are a caricature for depicting what I think.

      Now it’s pretty hard to understand where i’m coming from if you’re not far, far into astrology, and this is exactly why I would recommend to anyone who is interested into astrology to KEEP DIGGING DEEPER, it’s amazing what you can find. Don’t just satisfy yourself with “Oh he’s a Gemini, it goes well with my Aqua Venus”. Go further! Why? Why is his Gem good with your Aqua? Just THINK about it. 🙂

      So yeah I think we’re pretty conditioned – I’ve seen it. It’s amazing, almost like fucking maths.

      I still don’t know “why are we here”, but I definitely gave up the egotistical stand that “we all have out free will to do whatever the fuck we want on this planet” and that we are the Universe’s favorite little snowflake.
      So why are ants here? What makes us more important than ants?
      Cause we build houses out of concrete and can say “shit” and “fuck” and can shoot a film? It’s all the same imho.

      This is an infinite question and I wish someone came to me one day with an amazing proof of how much I am my own boss and how much I am special.
      I am the boss in deciding shall I enter the cottage or not, but the boss has sent me to the woods, you know.. the boss made you feel like you need some fresh air, the boss made your partner leave you so suddenly you couldn’t grasp what the hell was going on, so you needed a walk to think things through, the boss made you take up Botany classes last summer cause you needed a new hobby or whatever.

      Haven’t you ever asked yourself “What was I thinking?!”

      It’s as simple as that.

      Like

  2. Please don’t misinterpret my hyper-expressiveness as being rude or defensive. ❤

    Also, these are my personal views and opinions and they do not reflect other Hermit Fool authors' opinions and beliefs in any way.

    Like

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